My Journey To a New Me

What does it take to change a life? I'm going to find out.

I went to my GP yesterday because I am totally sick of all the trouble I’m having with my gallbladder while I wait for my operation, and I wanted to see if my GP could do anything about it. Turns out he could. He heard me out, I told him all my symptoms (having daily pain, heartburn and reflux acid. Every couple of weeks I have a big flare up that lasts a few days and leaves me in constant pain.) I told him it seems to be food related and I’ve done as much as I can to negate that, I’m dairy free, which is because I recently found out that not only does it make my gallbladder angry, it sets my eczema off. I eat as low fat as I can (which I haven’t been the best at recently but I am getting strict again) I don’t eat a lot of red meat and I’ve completely cut out caffeine and salt (though that was my blood pressure, but still.)

So he asked me if I knew where I was on the waiting list and had I phoned up to find out (that’s a thing you can do? Who knew?!) So he phoned for me, and spoke to the secretary of my surgeon. Turns out, NHS Highlands has a waiting list of nine, count ’em, NINE months. I am three months in, so that could mean that I have to wait until Jan 2020 to get my operation. My GP said he’d write to my surgeon and tell him all my symptoms and everything I told him but at the end of the day, its up to my surgeon.

Also, as a fun added bonus I found out that my pre-op checks are only good for six months, so if I go past the beginning of October without getting my operation I have to get all that done again. A heart trace, blood tests, the works. Which is fun. Nothing like walking to a room and having a woman tell me to take off my top and my bra and lie down while she sticks the heart monitor pads all over my chest, my wrist and my ankle, including under my boob. Oh the mortification. It only lasted about 30 seconds but still.

When I went for my appointment with my surgeon in April, where he gave the go ahead for my operation, he said that in most places, the wait is 12 weeks, but here it was 24. Now I find out its 36 weeks. 9 months. And I’m not entirely sure if the 12 weeks was from my initial appointment or from getting my pre-op checks done, but its probably more likely to be my pre-op.

That was 15 weeks ago today and thought I might get my operation around about my birthday, which is the start of October. Now to think I have 21 weeks, or 5 and a bit months of this, fuck that entirely. I looked up privately getting my gallbladder out, but it is £6,000 plus to do it private and I don’t have that kind of money. I’m unemployed and I barely get half of that a year. I feel really hopeless and dejected right now. I am in pain daily, I have nausea that makes me not want to eat, I have issues with my appetite disappearing, and I genuinely never know what’s going to set it off because its never consistently one thing.

Normally, I try and look on the bright side, for the sake of my mental health is nothing else, but today, I honestly don’t have the energy. I feel weird and selfish complaining because people I know literally have life-threatening health conditions, and mine is so much smaller than that. But, its my life, and right now, it sucks. I was prescribed Omeprozole for my acid issues and codeine phosphate for my pain. I’ll see how they go, if they don’t help, I’ll go back to my GP.

I feel broken to be honest. Before my gallbladder started playing up again last July, I’d never really dealt with pain on a constant basis. Dislocated my ankle as kid, having to get stitches, even period pain. That pain is fleeting. This isn’t. And I hate it. I constantly have my heated blanket on because that’s the fastest way to help with pain, and I just feel like I’m not living, I’m existing. And it sucks. Majorly.

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